Keep an eye on it---- what does that mean?

While I was breaking bread with the dead, reading Cicero, and y'know, being a Yale student (how ridiculous that sounds sometimes in the 21st century!), someone asked me, "Can you keep an eye on my computer for me?" I of course replied, "Of course!" However, what does this even entail?

I've often wondered about the Good Samaritan principle in American culture. Do we really look out for each other and make sure that no one steals the other one's stuff? I have a hard time getting someone to hold a door for me, let alone getting someone to make sure some stranger doesn't steal my computer. So the question arises, "Should I even ask? Would they do it anyway?"

Next question: Would someone stop someone from stealing my computer? Would they scream, "Stop thief!" or would they quietly report it to police and take down a composite drawing of the culprit. Would they take responsibility for letting someone take my computer? Or would they say, "It wasn't my responsibility, get a security tracker."

These things I have often times wondered. Hold on, I have to keep my eye on this black HP PC laptop... even though I really have to go get Claire's cake with Misha right now....

Definitions of History

As supplied by my lovely cast for the show I am currently directing, "The History Boys," I supply you with definitions of History. Enjoy. This is my way of calming down.

"History is an ejaculation over the pages of antiquity." -Gabe P.

"History is cunt-struck." - no comment.

"History is my middle name." -Raph S.

"History is an amalgamation of every text that was sent last night." -Matt HH.

"History is things that happened." -Tom Sa.

"History is the foreskin of truth." Gabe P.

"History is the opposite of prophecy." -Peter K.

"My chlamydia is history. I swear!" -Tom St.

"History is my anti-drug." -James D.

"History is a terrorist attack on the pillars of modernity." -Amina Z.

"History is his tree." - Alex Kr.

"History is two big tits of antiquity." Group...

"History is a myth. The Truman show is real and I am the star." Lizzie D.

"History is a large purple walrus with a mustache." Alex Kr.

"History is what remains when the music stops and all the confetti is swept away." Alex Kl.

"History is stories of the past seen through the lens of the present." Jesse K.

"American Apparel, Urban Outfitters and Lady Gaga are all History, I hope." Tom St.

"History is fucking." Dakin

"History is women following behind with the bucket." Mrs. Lintott

And, our favorite.

"History is one fucking thing after another." Rudge.

What is your definition of history?

Creeping Evangelism

Last night, I almost peed my pants in fright in what I thought were the white lights of an alien invasion--which I saw out my window. Upon further inspection, which took a lot of bravery mind you, I deduced that these were the lights of a new steeple in an Evangelist Baptist church, three hills away from my home hill.

The lights are creeping in.

Perhaps as punishment for my apparent liberalism (I go to Yale), I come home to churches that turn me away three times: once at the parking lot, once at the door, and once at the chapel door. Yet, While I'm not turned away by my sins (I hope not), I'm turned away by the sheer fact that the place is overcrowded. Game over. Asimov's population scheme has counted me out. I didn't jump on the mothership in time so now I'm stuck at the doors, while the lights keep teasing me with their LEED glare.

It seems that when I go to Yale, I'm a conservative. I come home, and suddenly I get phone calls from local churches telling me to find Christ because apparently, I haven't. I can find him without standing outside of your doors. I found my Christ reading the Torah, the OT and NT, and the Qu'ran. If you want to throw in the Book of Mormon, you can. Do I really need another Christ?

But dude, guess who was voted most likely to become a televangelist in high school? moi. I have a fascination with these networks. Mormons. Muslims. TV Evangelists. Sufis. Faith Healers. Evangelists. This past week one of the famous Tele-vangelists, Oral Roberts, died. Defining the Word on the Tube is thanks to this guy. Thousands came to the funeral. These guys are not just brilliant speakers, but excellent business men. If there is something more American than tele-vangelism, someone tell me.

So as my East coast life become more and more riddled with the thoughts of "Socialists" (see the conservative side of the family...), my mid-Atlantic life is slowly being surrounded by steeples that refuse entry... because of fire codes. (or maybe the "liberalism" i'm around, but don't necessarily ascribe to).

Call the death of Oral Roberts the death of a generation, of a movement. I'm not sure about that.I almost backed into the window of the "Christian Evangelist Economic Expansion Center" today. Apparently they "Spread the celery seed." I almost spread their celery seed alright...