Definitions of History

As supplied by my lovely cast for the show I am currently directing, "The History Boys," I supply you with definitions of History. Enjoy. This is my way of calming down.

"History is an ejaculation over the pages of antiquity." -Gabe P.

"History is cunt-struck." - no comment.

"History is my middle name." -Raph S.

"History is an amalgamation of every text that was sent last night." -Matt HH.

"History is things that happened." -Tom Sa.

"History is the foreskin of truth." Gabe P.

"History is the opposite of prophecy." -Peter K.

"My chlamydia is history. I swear!" -Tom St.

"History is my anti-drug." -James D.

"History is a terrorist attack on the pillars of modernity." -Amina Z.

"History is his tree." - Alex Kr.

"History is two big tits of antiquity." Group...

"History is a myth. The Truman show is real and I am the star." Lizzie D.

"History is a large purple walrus with a mustache." Alex Kr.

"History is what remains when the music stops and all the confetti is swept away." Alex Kl.

"History is stories of the past seen through the lens of the present." Jesse K.

"American Apparel, Urban Outfitters and Lady Gaga are all History, I hope." Tom St.

"History is fucking." Dakin

"History is women following behind with the bucket." Mrs. Lintott

And, our favorite.

"History is one fucking thing after another." Rudge.

What is your definition of history?